You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You get kicked out because you’re too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You should die first, get it out of the way. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backward. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. Paddy shakes his head.The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. “Oh don’t tell me that, did he at least go quickly?” “Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned” “Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the brewery” One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep. I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now.” You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?” Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?” “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?” Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?” “Not to me, personally, no,” admitted Paddy, “but it did happen to me sister the few times.” Meanwhile…in a Pub in Donegalįather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” But Paddy swore on the grave of his mother that every word was true. The Englishman and Jock were suspicious of Paddy’s claims. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!” “Ah, dat’s nothin’,” said Paddy, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
“Well,” said another English chap, “At my local in Kent, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.” When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
In Glasgow, there’s a wee bunny place where the landlord goes out of his way for the locals. “This is a wee nice bar,” say’s Jock but I still prefer the pubs back home. Paddy the Irish Man, who was actually from Dublin’s Northside and his workmate on the building site, Jock from Glasgow were sitting in a bar in London’s Docklands having a few pints after work.
But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.” The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?” They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.Īn onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. Two Paddies were working for the city public works department. Murphy, “It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!” “I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be alright.” “Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs. Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife. “No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that.” So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks, “Do I have to take them every day?” An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says “You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.”